I saw this exact scenario with my 17 year old son, over the weekend, when we got into an argument over something which matters a lot to him. He wanted to take on a role in his school, but as is his character he wasn’t prepared to put himself forward. He had given himself the excuse that he assumed that people must know he wanted it, and therefore there was no need to tell people and thereby risk people saying he isn’t up to it. This attitude has meant that he has been overlooked on a number of occasions for things he is more than capable of doing, but he just allows himself to become the “Victim” yet again, claiming that the world is against him. As his parents, whilst the easy path would be to agree with him that it is just bad luck and to let him off the hook, it is important that we challenged him, and got him to therefore see that he would have to do something that made him very uncomfortable if he really wants this role.

The same thing applies in business coaching and for business owners. We need to recognise those people who need to be pushed, and get them out of their comfort zone, so that we can help the more retiring and shyer people to reach the levels that they are eminently capable of.

The same principle also seems to manifest itself in your actions. If you turn up on time, or you always return phone calls when you say you will, or you reply to e-mails and read direct mail letters, then these things will more than likely be reciprocated. The things is, if you believe that this is the way to conduct business then people you deal with will quickly pick this up, and will mirror the way you behave. Of course sometimes you may never have met the people you are trying to contact, but if, as I do, you answer the phone to cold callers, and read the unsolicited e-mails or direct mailers sent, then there is far more chance that your target markets will respond to the marketing you aim at them.

First impressions are everything, and the way people meet and greet you will say a lot about them, and the way they perceive themselves and others. Sometimes I find people like to keep me waiting, and sometimes they are not even there, claiming something called them away at the last moment. I am prepared to give people one chance if they seem genuine enough, but I am always wary of such people thereafter. The thing is these sorts of people often find that their suppliers or customers let them down in one way or another, and they will complain avidly about this behaviour. However, they should only have to look at the way they do things to understand why it happens to them.

Treat people with respect, be positive and do good things for others, and the mirror will make sure that you get lots of good things back

This apparent random set of events is in fact not as lucky as it may seem on first impression. The thing is once a part of your brain called the reticular activating system (RAS) has been made aware of something, sub-consciously you become far more open to looking for that person or thing, and suddenly there it is in front of you. It is why it is so important to write down or articulate the things you are after and the people you want to meet, because it opens up your mind (and other people’s minds) to the possibility of things, and your increased awareness of them means that invariably they materialise.

I have lost count of the number of times I have been working with clients and find that once we have identified clearly their personal and business goals, within weeks of starting, something significant and positive happens which takes them a big step towards their dreams. It isn’t apparently anything which I have done, but I have no doubt that my input makes them change the way they say and do things enough, to create opportunities which had previously not been open to them.

So if you need things to change for the better, come and talk to me, perhaps something great will happen in your life.

The thing is that having respect for other people’s beliefs and values is very important in all walks of life. Hopefully we all have our own strongly held beliefs, but just because they are things that we believe in doesn’t necessarily make them right (or wrong for that matter) they are simply a matter of opinion. I am all for people expressing their opinions, and for promoting lively debate, it is part of what makes life interesting, although I am unlikely to change my beliefs or values due to someone else arguing their case strongly against mine. However, it doesn’t matter that I don’t listen to their point of view, and quite often I can see that they have valid reasons for believing what they do, although again it doesn’t necessarily make them right or wrong either.

The sad thing is that it seems that more and more nowadays, we are unlikely to be able to have, and even less likely to be able to voice our opinion, as we will be accused of being bigoted, or being racist, sexist, ageist, or any number of other biases. However, they are just opinions, so why shouldn’t we be able to stand by what we believe in without the “thought police” telling us what we should be thinking and saying.

Lively debate is generally a good thing in most situations. If everyone in business simply goes along agreeing with the management’s opinions all the time, the chances are that the business will never be anything more than mediocre. Be prepared to voice your beliefs, and listen to others, because that is what achieves the best results when deciding on the way forward.

Being someone who always looks for the positive in everything, even I found it hard to handle yet another knock back. However, I still believe a sustained recovery is just around the corner, and I reminded myself that the darkest hour is always just before dawn, and maybe we are finally at that point.

So for those of you who are wondering if things are ever going to get better, now is the time to take heart. Keep doing as many of the right things as you can within your business, and as I have said recently refocus on your end goals because then you can keep being positive about what you are doing on a day to day basis.

No doubt all of us feel like “throwing in the towel” from time to time, but giving up should never be an option. There is always something else you can do, always another way forward or another option. If you are having trouble believing this, then find someone else to motivate you and keep driving you on.

That is what I do. So if you want a positive word or a friendly face to keep you going till “dawn,” why not get in touch.

Speaking to my son about his recent school report there were a couple of subjects in which he had not done particularly well, mainly because it was clear that he had not been so committed to the work involved. When I questioned him, he immediately said that it was because he didn’t like the teacher, and couldn’t get on with them (hence the lack of effort).

It occurred to me, that the same thing definitely applies in coaching. I only work with people with whom I have a positive rapport, because without this they are never going to put in the effort required to make the changes needed in their businesses. The best results are therefore always going to happen with the clients I get on with best.

No doubt the same applies in most businesses. As they say “people buy from people,” and I am sure that most of us would much rather do business with people we like and trust, than those who rub us up the wrong way.

So don’t be afraid of competition, or indeed losing some of your leads. You won’t get them all, and the ones you don’t get would invariably only buy from you once anyway. However, the more open, friendly, honest and trustworthy you are, the more people will want to work with you.

However rather than just throw in the towel and keep on taking all the bad stuff on the chin, why not sit back for a day, and remember the goals you had when you first started out, so you can re-enthuse yourself, and re-establish the drive and the fun in your business. Remembering the reasons why you started out in your business can help you to re-focus on the long term and then work back, rather than struggling with the short team and projecting forward.

If you start with the long term goals again, (and some of them may well have changed over the last 3 or 4 years) then you can work back to clarify exactly what you need to do this year to get you on the path to those ends. Then by breaking this year’s goals into monthly segments, little by little you start to re-set the targets you need to achieve to make the first steps to your long term goals.

Then you need to set your marketing strategy to hit your ideal customers, so you ensure you reach your short term goals, and start to re-kindle the good feelings you once had about your business.

So whatever stage you are at, be it early days, well established or even an old business, take the time to remember why you are doing this, and you will start to take control once again.

Although you might intuitively think giving money to poorer countries (or people) must be a good thing, in fact it seems that the countries which receive the most aid do little to nothing to develop and better their country. In fact they just sit back and wait for the freebies. The same thing applies to some degree with the benefits handouts in the U.K. The more they get and the easier it is to receive help, the less people feel they need to do for themselves.

To take this theory into a business environment, once again the same thing applies. If as a business owner, or manager, you are too quick to cover for your employees, or even do it for them, you simply create a culture of laziness and /or dependency, they no longer seek to find out how to do things better, or how to learn from their mistakes, they simply carry on going through the motions, getting things wrong, hurting the business, but knowing that their lessons will pick up the pieces.

So next time you are tempted to do something which your employees should be doing, think again. You are not really doing them a favour, as you are stopping their self development, and restricting their ability to grow. Allow them to make mistakes, but teach them and encourage them how to take responsibility for themselves, and watch them flourish.

We often see it on the sports field, and England could probably be accused of complacency both on the cricket and rugby pitches over the recent weekend. The thing is, it is not really a conscious decision, so it is very hard to guard against. Both these teams would swear blind that they were not complacent, and that they were fully prepared, but in the back of their minds they had allowed themselves to create a false sense of security.

As always we can apply the same mentality to business. Ignoring the little worrying signs, not preparing properly for a sales pitch, or even a presentation will invariably lead to a poor performance, a drop in standards and quality, and potential loss of business. In fact I can clearly remember a specific presentation where I hadn’t thought it particularly important, I had played down the fear factor, and consequently spoke poorly.

If you believe your business to be one which is high in quality and service you can never allow your standards to drop. And of course this must be true of every aspect of what you do, because one slip can cause doubt in your customer or prospects mind. So don’t be complacent. Don’t tell yourself that “x” or “y” didn’t really matter, and let yourself off the hook. Always be on your guard, and let fear of failure help to drive you forward. Because if you don’t have that edge, you could lose when you should be winning.

Of course it is ridiculous that something as superficial as a sunny day should have this effect, but everyone I met was in a good mood. So wouldn’t it be great if we could create this more often, and I see no reason why not, after all it is only a state of mind.

Conversely I met someone who was telling me how stress was the root of all evil, illness, tiredness, mistakes and a lot of negativity generally. Stress can be caused by all sorts of things, but once again, it is largely a state of mind, which we either allow to take hold, or we reject.

The point is, whichever way we choose to be, it is our choice. No-one tells us to be in a good or bad frame of mind, and although circumstances and our surroundings are bound to affect us to some degree, ultimately we are the ones who make the decision as to how we react, how we will feel, and then how we project this.

I hope and believe that most people see me as a happy smiling person. I have a hugely positive attitude to life, and as a result on the whole I am a “lucky” man. However, there is nothing to stop anyone being that way, after all remember what it felt like yesterday, remember all the good things that happened as a result, put it in a bottle, and reproduce that same positive outlook wherever you need to.